In answer to your question

I was born in 1951 and have been a seeker all my life. I have two daughters and two sons. Long ago I lost custody of my oldest daughter and sons because of my beliefs. I regained custody of my daughter after several years, but have been estranged from my sons for over 20 years. For a long time I feared losing my youngest daughter.

I have been on this path since 1988, dated from my self-dedication. I lived in the rural south, isolated on a farm. At first I was alone. I read whatever I could from the small county library. I studied everything. I looked for answers to questions. There was no internet then, and few books. This meant I looked inside for answers. I meditated, though then I didn’t know it was meditation, and wrote. I celebrated in personally meaningful ways because I knew no others. I followed the cycle of Nature. I grew with my daughters. In retrospect it was in some ways the most productive time I have ever spent.

Later, I moved to a larger town, with a bigger library and a bookstore, even a conservative “New Age” shop. I ordered books from the bookstore and was surprised to see the “New Age/Occult” selection grow from half a shelf to its own section over the years. The manager asked me one day if I was a witch and after considering for a moment I answered “Yes.” He asked me what books to stock.

I began to look for others like me, getting to know the people at the local New Age shop, taking astrology and Tarot classes. I began to question if I really was a witch. I didn’t wear black and lots of makeup, wasn’t psychic or an Egyptian princess in a past life, didn’t decorate with crystals, have a gay lover, or dance naked under a gypsy moon. I felt just as isolated as I had on the farm, and incredibly sadder. But I kept walking the path I saw. Now alone meant solitary.

A friend asked me if I would become his teacher and I was stunned. I was a seeker, not a teacher, I told him, but I’d be happy to have him walk beside me for a while and share what I had found. Then another asked, and another. My oldest daughter told me she had been secretly reading Tarot for years. My youngest daughter asked to be included in a private ritual. One day my youngest daughter’s father, an evangelical Christian, said that he envied me. He tried so hard to achieve inner peace, going to church, praying and studying, and I seemed to have achieved it without even trying.

I welcomed the turning of the millennium under a full moon on the solstice at midnight on a beach. Two students had asked to watch and my husband was there. I was at the height of my powers and I truly felt the Goddess within. Now alone meant powerful.

Then Change ~ relocation, financial problems, menopause, a child’s suicide attempt, grandchildren, parent’s illnesses, loss of friends, personal disappointments and failures. I lost my way along the path. And now alone meant lonely.

The world is still not a welcoming place for most who walk this path. Though the path is not crowded, there are a lot of us here, walking at our own paces. Some walk clumped together, some with one or two companions; some always alone, some walk for a while with others and then move on by themselves. A few are stopped exhausted by the side of the path, a few race madly toward the next curve. Some look back nervously. Yet we are all on the path together, never truly alone.

I have begun reaching out and asking questions again. Study and introspection fill some of the voids. I listen for answers. Now I know that while I have seemed alone, I have never been truly alone. I just could not see through the paradox. The Charge says “if that which you seek you find not within yourself, you will never find it outside yourself”.

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